Home » Funny Retirement To-Do List

It’s the time of your life where your body is starting to decay. Your hair may be falling out, your belly may have grown, but there is also good news. Your bank account is likely at a rather comfortable level. Sure, you may remember the days where you made more money per year than you have currently, but relax. Life isn’t all about the cash. You likely figured this out by now.

There comes a time when you need to lighten up and start living again. If you spent a good portion of your breathing hours working a boring job, now is the best time you will ever have to become organized now using the right tools. By organizing, we mean planning out a fun adventure or two. However, this isn’t all. Here is a list of fun (and perhaps funny) things you should consider doing in your retirement.



Travel Abroad

Okay, this one isn’t that funny. However, if you haven’t traveled abroad in your lifetime there has never been a better time to do so. You’re retired. What else do you have to do? You could continue to sit in that house you took 30 years to pay off, or you could switch things up just for once. Find the strangest cultural tradition of a new place and try it for yourself. Book a trip around the world and see the places you only dreamed of. Even if that means you skip the sites everyone else tells you to go to. Do it your way like the Frank Sinatra song.

Make a Millenial Friend

No, your grandchild or other family member doesn’t count. A young friend is your key to staying young at heart. You might be surprised how similar you are the younger generation. Similar concerns and hopes for the future. Laugh at each other’s imperfections. Share stories. Best of all, do some fun things with them. Share what you think really matters. Let them do the same. Be sure to actually listen. Kids are smart.

Go to a Nightclub One Last Time

This is best done with a group of your closest senior acquaintances. Go to the club and start a senior revolution. Even if you were the never the type of person to party. Take one night off looking out for your health. We’re all going to die anyway. Spend one last time letting loose and dancing away your troubles on the dancefloor. Enjoy the new music genres. Try your hardest not to say “back in my day we listened to…” Enjoy the moment.

Do What the Doctor Says Not To (Just Once)

What do those doctors actually know? Okay, sure, they are a little smart. Although more than likely they sometimes give you instructions that are so cautious that it’s ridiculous. Remember what it’s like to be a rebellious teenager just once more. Don’t get us wrong here, you should listen to your doctor’s advice. If not doing something will directly affect your heart’s ability to keep beating for another night, you shouldn’t go complete renegade and kill yourself. However, you could probably smoke one more cigar, eat a nice batch of fatty ice cream, or whatever your personal circumstance may imply.

Get a 30-Year Mortgage

If you have lived in the same house for a long time, it’s time to sell it. Buy a new house. However, don’t even presume that you will pay off the loan. Find a mortgage company that will give you a 30-year mortgage. That way you will never have to pay it off during your retirement. If you ever dreamed of getting that home where the grass was always greener, do it while retiring.

Learn How to Cook for Yourself

Stop relying on your spouse to cook for you. Or, stop eating out each morning. Find a new recipe and learn to cook when you retire. If you love Chinese food, for example, bring home the ingredients for your favorite dish and make it yourself. This way, you can stop relying on others. If your parents ever told you to do this, and you didn’t, perhaps you could fulfill one last wish of theirs during your retirement.

Go Back to School

Learning is an endless process. Even in retirement. There is always something new for you to learn. Even in retirement, it is never too late to go back to school and get that high school diploma or college degree. Sure, you may not make any return on the investment, but you can always find a way to take out a loan to pay for your education. Who knows. You might not even be physically capable of paying off the loan. Wink.

Play Pick-Up Sports Again

At every recreation center, there is a retired citizen who can pop the three-point shot better than any of the youngsters. If you enjoy watching basketball, pick up the ball and start shooting again. Sure, you may not be the fittest person on the court. You will have the best shot though. If your sport is something like track, go the track at the gym and make it a point to outrun all of the youngins who wish they could keep up with you.

Adopt a Child

Before you consider this, make sure to line up a godfather to care for the child. Recruit that handsome son your husband has. Find a child who is in need, and adopt him. You may not be around long enough to see their children, but you sure will make a difference in who they become. Maybe they grow up to start a business that people will love.

Start a New Religion

With new cults arising every now and then, who is to say you can’t start your own? In order to be a little ethical here, perhaps you could be transparent that your not some sort of prophet. However, you could have a little bit of fun by starting your own religion. Even if it is a complete joke. You never know, this could be a source of lots of fun that will last you throughout your retirement. 

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